More Than a Feeling - Boston

Posted by stephnauf on 12-25-2007 in Marriage vs. Cohabitation

If marriage is just a legal formality, then screw it. There is no point.

Marriage is more than that.
It's a life-long commitment. It calls both parties to restrain self-centeredness and self-indulgence. Inside the frames of a marriage, you are called to make your spouse's needs your needs, and to reject any temptations to infidelity or actions that may hurt your husband/wife.

Marriage shapes us into people with values that tell us to think beyond ourselves. It is one of the best kinds of training for our participation in society. In taking this institution seriously, we are encouraged to take part in a relationship that disciplines us and curbs our self-centered tendencies.

Cohabitation does not do this.
It does not restrain our inclination to self-serve.
The tendency in such a relationship is that the individual dictates the status of the relationship according to personal opinion/needs. The glue that holds this sort of relationship together is the individual consent of each party, not a joint effort to succeed, and the relationship can fall apart the instant one person decides to give up. Yes, two people living together can love each other very much, but the door is left fairly open for abandonment. I do not believe that joint commitment reaches its highest potenital in this case.

Marriage gives the couple an umbrella of responsibility that they both must hold up. If one person wants to release his grip, the two have to seriously assess the situation and see if they can keep the umbrella up, or if they should let go and accept the rain (divorce).

Marriage is the stamp that establishes a mutual fight against self-interest with the goal of sacrificing for the whole.

Its implications are such that, like I said before, we are disciplined into truly loosening the grip on what we want, and considering the concerns of another.

Why is this important?
To reference a pamphlet I was given on marriage, such a relationship is healthy for social order. If people learn discipline and self-sacrificing love for another, society can improve. If such qualities are degenerating in the world, individuals may become increasingly self-serving, and society may face greater difficulties to advance.

Unfortunately, not everyone is born a commited Gandhi or a loving Mother Teresa. But the institute of marriage is a great practice that can help shape laymen into contributing and even sacrificing members of society. In learning to place our spouse before ourselves, we can learn to further value our neighbors as well.

Can this quality be learned elsewhere?
Sure.

But when it comes down to marriage versus cohabitation, I say marriage is the healthier choice, for the individual and the whole.